Good At Not Caring

The lights in this city still flicker
Under the starry night sky where everything seems fine
While here I am stuck in my room at 12 AM
In a Friday night when I should have been dancing
I want to cry it all out but I end up shaking my head smiling

How desperate would I sound
If I say that when I see the trees wave
I take it as a sign that God gives a damn?
But then I come crashing in giving the trees a shake
The dried leaves come falling like they say something big

How can months hurt as much as years?
When things that happened can mean nothing when stitched by the seams
Where Friday nights and shaking trees mean something more
Than the unspoken feelings, we are choosing to ignore

Every 27th will not be the same for only some time
For me, it has been the best and the worst on the same thin lines
The best has happened a long time ago
Tainted by the worst thing that has — no denying — to be you

Shedding some light to a gloomy town was all I had hoped for
But I’ve gotten more of a less and nothing good to spoil
So can you blame me for saving myself from drowning?
With the way of how you were and how you are,
We are ultimately headed down the drain

Like a handful of people I know
You, too, bring false sunshine to an already sunny day
You look for applause for every light that you bring
You always shine so bright but at the end of the day you always fade
Then you make me feel so precious but now I just feel used

Finally, I am in the point of my life where
I have a lower tolerance for projections of insecurities and overthinking
I am done with loyalty being measured by the speed of text responses
And I have no room for you telling me to avoid certain people
Because me befriending them makes you uncomfortable

Gone are the days when only at 1 AM talks are we honest
And we lie to each other throughout the day
Or when I have to decipher your no response
After asking you clearly what you have in mind
So I am very much done with you who would rather drag me down than talk it out

I am thinking that I care so much like I always do
But I am merely reflecting that hypocrisy of you
Like you only care about me when I fit your needs
And I have to figure out times when I am not needed
So I’m having none of that no matter what else you say
I’ve seen it by myself and conclude it’s better we’re away

We are not at war but we created a battlefield
Let other people fight for us, shielded us from the ultimate blast
But when the dust settles and the trenches are now seen
We find ourselves, bloody and slain…

Aren’t you tired of it?
Do you think that if we were real we would have misunderstood each other like this?
If we had meant anything we wouldn’t have been so careless
If we were a solid plan we wouldn’t have been crashing this way
For a second, we have to realize that all that’s left between us is hurt
We’ll spend more Fridays apart with no plans over the weekend, as always
We’ll stand as trees — distant, growing, waving, and falling — where we are planted
Every time we think of each other we’ll consider the other a lesson learned
By now, we should have been aware that we played hard and blindsided each other
But played too early, too fast, guns blazing, too loud
Now we are trapped in a Russian roulette game of silence
And time will not erase anything because none of us is daring
And I hate to admit it but we both are good at not caring

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