You Promised Me Forever

You-Promised-Me-Foreve

Nothing —
it all went down to that;
how the sunny skies turned dark
like morning to dusk.
At 28,
you had been so scared for life
to take a sudden turn left.
I felt like
I had been the sacrificial lamb
to get what you wanted

Yeah, it hurt
but I never skipped through time.
I wanted to remember and forget
every detail
like my sanity was not on the line.
Just as you were good in teaching me
how to live with you;
I had been better in lessons
on surviving without you.

I never missed you traveling through cities
to take me out to dinner.
But I liked it so much
every time I thought about it,
it made you looked less a sinner;
how you noticed my rudeness
every time I glanced at my watch
or checked my phone;
how you asked about my silence
and acknowledged my discomfort in a room.
And when you ordered my favorite food
like you knew how to please me
you’d mastered me like the palm of your hands
and I let myself feel free.

You promised me forever
and I believed it;
took us so long to know
we never meant it.
From the comforts of back rides, time zones, late-night talks, and whatever,
I had wasted years of my life
to now a stranger.

Remember when the longest we hadn’t spoken
was that weekend?
Come Monday,
you called me,
you sounded dying
saying the ambulance was on the way.
You said, “Sorry, I was driving too fast.”
But all I could think about was
that argument last Thursday.
I asked you, “Is this my fault?”,
almost crying.
You replied, “Don’t be silly.”
But my insides were bawling

It kept replaying in my mind,
I thought it was the worst that could happen.
Boy, was I wrong,
years later I never saw it coming.
You promised me forever
and I held on tight to that promise.
How we went down
was all sorts of everything tragic.

It took you a second to decide
I needed no explanations.
I used to believe I deserved some
then settled on not wanting one.
With you, I knew
I might never get the real answer;
it wouldn’t even matter.
It took me years to dust me up;
took me a night to write our crap

As I lay in my bed
before I go to sleep,
I sometimes think about you
and I feel nothing.
I remember the face
but never the feeling.
That city is small
and I know you’re not going anywhere.
In all the crowded places,
we’ve had our little moments to share.
After all these,
I know you but
I am forgetting you deliberately.
As you were, I too,
am not even sorry!
So, how does it feel when you see me
and you’re smiling
then I look at you
as though I have seen a —
nothing?

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