Not Crying

When the sun goes down, does it still shine up there?
Do you see the clouds and marvel at what’s down here?
Well, this is what it looks like down here that everything’s not fine
Lucky you for dodging all of these bullets
These would have only made you sadder
These would have only made your life much bitter

‘Cause here I am again, in my room, looking at the ceiling
Hours of lying, a dozen pillows crowning
Mouthing so many things, pretending we’re talking
Pretty sure you’re hearing me from up there

The world’s ending, everybody’s crying
Never thought it would be this not very horrifying
It doesn’t look worse, but the people do
You could see where desperation could go

Back home where the future is slick
As I walk, all I only hear are creaks
Outside’s a no-go, options are rare
I could laugh at myself and nobody could hear

But then my tears swell as I talk to you through the ceiling
You can’t see it because I look so tiny from where you’re standing
I know you hear me so I only talk and laugh and squeal
I’m not crying

At 26, my heart had been broken
At 26, yours stopped beating
It was a horror what a month did with our separate lives
While mine semicoloned, yours you ended
Worse than all of these going around
Time froze, everything hurt
My head spun, my chest burned

Two years later, I still find no healing
3 AM in the dark, no I’m not crying.

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